You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
