Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
