I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
