Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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