youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
