Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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