I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
