it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
