Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
