I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
