Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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