OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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