I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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