Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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