Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
