I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
