how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
