Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
