In the future we'll all be gay
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
