we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
