He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Watching her eat just hurts me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
