god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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