i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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