yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
