Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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