You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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