I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
