Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
