When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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