No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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