CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
