a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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