is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
