Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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