we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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