I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
