yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
