He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
