i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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