I want you more than these girls want KFC
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
