TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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