My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
