i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
