My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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