I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
