Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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