GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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