You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
