she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
