My cat gives me a boner
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You left your underwear on the fireplace
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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