I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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