She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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