you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
