next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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