considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
