I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My vagina is officially offended.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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