So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
