i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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