His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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