We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
