So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bring me that man meat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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