Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
