pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
