Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I will be naked everywhere
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
