JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
